


Confessions

by beepboop_buckybarnes



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: Coming Out, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:40:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepboop_buckybarnes/pseuds/beepboop_buckybarnes
Summary: Luke has some things he needs to share with his family as part of his steps. Sharing them is easier said than done.





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any glaring mistakes, I'm gonna be honest and say I didn't proofread this at all because I was stuck on the ending for about a month so I was just ready to get the upload out of the way!
> 
> Also sorry for any dodgy little jolts between tenses, I write scripts for a living which has so far only proven to completely throw me off my fic-writing style.
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this fic! Please leave kudos/comments if you can spare the time, they really do make my day - And let me know if you have any other ideas for Hill House stories!
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)

Luke wasn’t sure why he’d decided that now was the time to open up to someone. His feelings had been there for years, lingering especially close in the background since their family’s most recent experience at Hill House, Luke pushing them further and further back in his mind as his relationship with his remaining siblings went from strength to strength.

He’d toyed with the idea of telling them. First with Nellie, although he was sure she’d already known and was waiting for him to admit to her what he’d been doing. Theo was his next option, after all, he had to assume she must have seen something similar in her line of work, but then again, family is different. Shirley and Kevin had also been briefly considered, but as soon as the image of Shirley’s disappointed glare when he’d shown up at the wedding had sprung into Luke’s head, he’d immediately vetoed that idea. 

Steven was trickier. Luke had his fair share of arguments with the eldest of the siblings, Steve being particularly vicious when it came to Luke’s many failed stints in rehab, but the pair had always held a close bond, second only to that of the twins. Maybe it had been the fact that they were the only two boys, or more likely so, the fact that Steve had been like a second parent to his younger siblings following the death of their mother, and Luke had depended on that more than most.

He teetered around the inevitable moment, pacing back and forth in Steve and Leigh’s porch still debating whether to take the leap and ring the doorbell, when Steve surprised him by pulling the door open, garbage bag slung over his shoulder, and shocked expression meeting Luke’s own.

“Luke? Hey, man. Sorry, I just- We didn’t have plans, right?” The older man smiled after a moment of hesitation, throwing the garbage bag out onto the path and pulling Luke into his arms instead.

“No. I- I can go. I mean, if it’s not-“

“No, man, come on in! Leigh’s out with friends so it’s just you and me, I’m afraid.” Steve enthusiastically dragged Luke into the house, leading him to the living room before wandering towards the kitchen.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Glass of water, tea, soda? We’ve got pretty much anything you can think of so-“ Steve interrupted his own tangent as he turned to look at his younger brother, who was still standing by the sofa, looking petrified as his hands wrung together and he stared back at Steve with wide eyes.

“You okay? You don’t- You haven’t been using again, right?” Steve took a few slow steps towards his brother, trying to look more closely at his eyes but not getting the chance as they quickly filled with tears and he threw himself into Steve’s arms.

“It’s okay. It’s alright. You’re still in your programme, yeah? It’s just a slip-up. We’ll get you back.”

“It’s not- I haven’t used. I’m still at 11 months.” Luke choked out weakly, raising shaky hands to wipe at his cheeks, while Steve couldn’t hold back the sigh of relief that escaped him as the pair pulled apart slightly.

“Well thank god for that. What is it, man? You had me worried.”

“I- For my steps. I need to tell you something. A couple of things actually.” Luke spoke under his breath, like a secret he almost couldn’t bear to tell, Steve straining to hear the words before immediately nodding in understanding and inviting Luke to sit down, sitting beside him in silence and waiting for the words to come.

Steve blinked in surprise, however, when Luke simply shrugged off his jacket before beginning to unbutton his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders leaving him only in a thin t-shirt. 

It took the eldest brother a moment to spot anything out of the ordinary, but then slowly, as if appearing one by one, the track marks caught his eye. Old and fading, months of sobriety showing but leading up to fresher, longer marks, deep scarring etched into Luke’s upper arms and beyond the endpoint that the t-shirt offered. Scratches and line after line of neat wounds set out like soldiers over his biceps. Steve could have been impressed at the strategic placement of the cuts, some scars clearly years old but hiding among new, all of them unseen by anyone other than their creator. 

He forced himself to drag his eyes away, instead looking into Luke’s own, finding fresh tears there, the younger man’s chin trembling in a desperate attempt to keep sobs at bay, suddenly looking so much younger than he had mere minutes ago, curling away from Steve in guard of the words he was sure were coming.

“Luke...”

“I didn’t- I wanted to tell you earlier I did I just- I’m sorry, Steve. I’m sorry, I- Please don’t be mad. Please. Please, I-“

“Ssh. It’s okay. It’s-“ Steve cut himself off, pulling Luke into his arms instead, giving himself a minute to think of the words to say. 

It wasn’t okay. But it could be. And Steve wasn’t ready to let Luke reach that point alone once again.

“I’m glad you told me. I’m not mad. It isn’t your fault.” 

“I was- I didn’t know who to-. The centre knows and I- They were gonna tell you but-“ Luke barely got the words out around hitching breaths, Steve going to pull away a little to offer some space, only for Luke to hang on as though his life depended on it. 

“Did you tell them or-? They do checks for this kind of thing?” Steve approached the question with caution, afraid that any misstep in his communication might cause Luke to box himself away again, back into the routine silence that had kept him hurting alone for so many years.

“I-“ Luke only got through the one syllable before he pulled away from Steve to press his hands against his face, panicked sobs escaping from behind them as he desperately tried to smother an onslaught of emotion.

“Take a breath. I’m right here.”

“I met- I met someone.” Luke admitted almost silently, struggling to meet Steve’s eyes with his own as shame laced every inch of his features, Steve blanching for a moment at the unexpected news.

“At the centre?”

“No, I- I have a friend there. I- She invited me to her sister’s wedding on a day pass and I- We met there.” Steve was ashamed at the almost automatic sigh of relief he let out, unable to hide his fear of Luke being dependent on another addict so far into his recovery.

“That’s great, Luke. Really, that’s- I’m really happy for you. What’s her name? I bet she was a bridesmaid, huh? You and Theo, just can’t be tamed.” Steve chuckled to himself lightly, failing to notice as more tears shone in Luke’s eyes and he swiped one quickly from his cheek.

“I- I’m not... H-His name is Tom.” Luke’s whispered confession froze Steve in his rambling, his younger brother’s eyes desperately scanning him for any kind of reaction as the man froze in shock for a moment or two, before looking back at Luke.

“You’re..?” Steve’s unfinished question was met with radio silence, but there was a desperation in Luke’s eyes that answered him, begging for acceptance from the person he’d looked to for guidance and approval for as long as he could remember.

Steve shook himself a little, Luke’s glistening eyes sending his consciousness plummeting back into the room as he tugged his little brother into a bone-crushing hug, smiling at the instantaneous return of the action, the younger man’s body language finally relieving a little, anxieties seeming to melt away like snowflakes on a flame.

“I’m so proud of you, buddy. I love you.” 

“I-I love you too, Stevie.” Luke had to take a breath before continuing on, overwhelmed by the sudden lack of secrecy, and feeling it was the first real breath he’d taken in years.

“He- He came to visit. We were monitored like usual visits and he- I tripped, hit a table on the way down, opened one of the cuts but he’s a nurse and he... Centre put me under safety measures pretty soon after that, been trying to get me to tell you guys since.” Luke’s eyes were cast down to the floor again, Steve nodding in understanding and trying to keep up his smile even as he was reminded of the pain Luke must have been suffering through.

“I’m glad he’s looking out for you, man. You deserve it. Someone to be there for you, I mean.”

“He, uh- He wants to meet you all but I- You all didn’t know, and I haven’t- I started up on smack before I had the chance for a relationship before.” Steve nodded once again, Luke’s eyes flicking up to glance at him hesitantly, waiting to see if Steve offered a reply before continuing on himself.

“Tell you the truth I’m- I’m shitting it, Steve.”

“What? Why?”

“I just- He found out about the cuts and I- I was so sure he’d leave. It’s like- I know how much of a disappointment I’ve been and I- I know you’re all disappointed too and it’s like I’m waiting for him to- I just want to make someone proud but it just feels like he’s someone else I can upset. A-And it’s fucking terrifying, Steve.”

“Listen to me, man. Okay? I know I’ve never been the best brother, I know that. But there is nothing in the world that could ever stop me being proud of you, okay? Nothing. You’re never a disappointment. Look at what you’ve done, Luke. Fighting an addiction, moving past something like Hill House, and almost entirely without our help. And still, you care about us enough to trust us. You’ve come here and opened up to me, not knowing how I’d react? There’s nobody in the world who’s braver and who I’m more proud of.”

Luke’s face crumpled to sobs again at the words, burying himself in Steve’s arms and mumbling endless thank you’s into his eldest sibling’s shoulder, Steve only rubbing his back soothingly until the panicked breaths were no longer and the tears had slowed. 

Luke pulled away, Steve smiling before glancing down at the now dark, wet patch on his grey shirt, laughing lightly and giving Luke a gentle shove.

“I hope you don’t have heart-to-hearts with Tom too often, you’ll owe him a whole new wardrobe by the time we meet him.” Steve chuckled, smiling widely and blinking back the sheen on his eyes as Luke let out the most genuine laugh Steve had heard from him in years. 

“Now come on, I just rented the new Avengers film and Leigh won’t let me watch it while she’s in the house so I’ve got-“ Steve glanced quickly at his watch as he got up to put the DVD in, “- t-minus 5 hours. You want that drink? Or dinner or anything?”

Luke smiled and shook his head no, Steve turning out the lights and throwing himself back down on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table as he settled in for the movie, Luke laying down beside him, head resting on a pillow in Steve’s lap, the pair falling into easy silence as the trailers rolled. 

It took barely twenty minutes of the film for Luke to drift off to sleep, eyes fluttering under the weight of the day, mind relaxing easily without the added stress of carrying so many secrets, and Steve’s gentle hand coursing through his hair reminding him that he wasn’t alone. 

And even as the youngest man slept, deep breathing echoing in the room as Steve switched off the television, draping a blanket over Luke before heading to his own bed, the older man stopped mid-way up the stairs and whispered one last comfort to his sibling.

“Love you, baby brother.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the fic. Comments and kudos warm my heart :)


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